And here I am, not just a a student but a person who has officially finished their first semester in college. I can now check the “some college” field when taking a survey. For a long time I was just able to check “high school complete” and that bothered me. It bothered me because I am almost 27 and I just couldn't believe I had procrastinated this long to start something that I always wanted to do, in fact I procrastinated for 10 years. I think 10 years in human life is a long time no matter how old you are, is a long time being at a job, living in a city, being in a relationship and it’s definitely a long time for not doing what you want to be doing.
I asked myself what took me so long. When people ask me I always say was because I never had the time. But I realize that this was just an excuse for the real thing that was stopping me: fear. Fear of not being accepted to a good school, not being a good student or getting good grades, not being able to connect to my classmates and professors, not being able to afford it and fear of failing. I know, it’s a lot of fear. And It’s amazing how fear paralyzed me without me even knowing it was happening.
You might be thinking “well done Julia, you are so brave, you faced your fears” or something else along these lines, but in fact there is more than one hero here and if today I’m able to say I’m going to college I also have Curtis to blame :) You know that saying “Behind every great man there is a great woman” well, I think it goes both ways.
When I first met Curtis I had been living off my suitcase for too long, I didn’t have a home, a routine, I didn’t have steady work and my friends were all scattered around the globe. I was the raft adrift, wherever the ocean would take me I would go. It was great to live like that for some years and I definitely did learned a lot and met some really nice people but the truth is I would never be able to accomplish anything living like that, I would never be able to save money, go to school, have a career, find love or have a home.
So when I first came to New York it was on the raft therms. I was supposed to be here for about 3 months and take off again God knows where. But then came Curtis and I thought “I really like this guy, maybe I’ll stay in NY a little longer” So I staid 6 months. Long story short it’s been almost 6 years I’ve tied the raft and I am so happy. I realized that that whole time I was looking for a safe place, person or reason to stay. Yes I love New York but I know that what made me stay wasn’t the city, it was him.
By staying I received the great gift of time. Now I finally had the time to make friends and tighten the bond of friendships, to feel at home, to stop and think about my goals and what are the things I would like to accomplish, get a pet, build a loving relationship and learn how to nurture it, time to think about my feelings.
Even though Curtis didn’t tell me “Go to school” or “Dedicate yourself to work” or “Get a dog” I know I was only brave enough to do these things because I knew that, finally, I was safe. I know that no matter the difficulty we will find a way to overcome it.
By the way, today is our second anniversary.
When I was writing this I though “this makes no sense, it’s too confusing. Is it about school, or Curtis, or life or growing up? There is just too much here” but yet it all seems to be connected.
In all I just wanted to let you guys know that we are doing fine, that 2014 was another year of learning and moving forward and that the two of us have never worked this hard before to become the people we want to be.
Oh and that next year I will try to be better and write more periodically on this blog.
Wishing you guys a great Holiday Season! xoxo
