On Fear

Fear is an interesting thing, a power stronger than your will, forbidden and imprisoning. Besides it being an important thing to talk about, people tend to skip it, as no one likes to admit to being afraid.

But still, we all have our fears, maybe some more than others. I myself have a good little list of fears, but I've gotten to a point where I decided to face some of them as they have started to interfere with my life. For example my fear of heights, which is not a fear of looking down at New York from the top of the Empire State building or climbing up a cliff, my fear is of "short heights" like getting on top of a table, climbing a ladder or a tree. The other day I was shooting an editorial and the photographer got to the bottom of a building's stairway and wanted me to walk down the steps for the photo - that simple. I was so nervous that my hands were sweaty and it got to a point where I had to confess to her that I was terrified of falling. Plus I think that the fact that I was wearing 8 inch heels didn't help much.

Later that day when I got home exhausted by the stress, I told Curtis about the episode and we came to the conclusion that my problem is that I don't trust my body and my reflexes. I think that if I were to fall I would not be able to catch myself and would most likely hit face first. 

To try and fix this, he promised to help me with some footwork exercises so I can gain more agility and raise my perception.

I wish that this was my only fear, but unfortunately that's not the case. Another one that sometimes puts me in hard situations is my aquaphobia, or fear of water. Besides the fact that I have always jumped into pools, rivers and the sea, to me the water was always more of an obstacle than anything else. I guess combining both the fear of heights with the fear of water, I became afraid of going over bridges, which I just learned is called Gephyrophobia. I suppose that living on an island also makes me think about it more often than I would otherwise. Besides the many bridges and tunnels connecting Manhattan to the main land I keep thinking "What if something really bad happens and the only way to escape is to cross the river by swimming, with my dog on my back?" When I told this to Curtis he was laughing, and yes this is a pretty ridiculous idea but then again, fear is usually not a very rational thing.

My solution is to learn how to swim. I've gotten the hang of free style and breast stroke by now, but still have no endurance to swim long distances. But I have trained regularly and hope that one day the water is going to be for me an environment so comfortable as the sand at the beach.